Tim Cook gives Apple megabux to SPLC and ADLVia Buzzfeed, here is Apple CEO Tim Cook’s memo: Team,Like so many of you, equality is at the core of my beliefs and values. That’s why I deserved to be compensated $3. I believe in equality .… I disagree with the president and others who believe that there is a moral equivalence between white supremacists and Nazis, and those who oppose them by standing up for human rights. Equating the two runs counter to our ideals as Americans. Therefore, people I disagree with politically should have no civil rights. They should be outlaws subjected to any violence that people who agree with me feel like inflicting upon them, those bastards.

Yeah, yeah, Rick Sanchez is great and so is Morty and that joke you just made about McDonald’s Szechuan sauce was incredibly clever, but I need you to be quiet for.

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Via Buzzfeed, here is Apple CEO Tim Cook’s memo: Team, Like so many of you, equality is at the core of my beliefs and values. That’s why I deserved to be. Latest breaking news, including politics, crime and celebrity. Find stories, updates and expert opinion.

After all, I made $3. What did they make?

Regardless of your political views, we must all stand together on this one point — that we are all equal. Although not in income. That’s a totally separate question.… We have always welcomed people from every walk of life to our stores around the world and showed them that Apple is inclusive of everyone. Our prices discriminate so we don’t have to. And we’re going to be opening an Apple Store in Los Angeles south of Wilshire Boulevard any day now. Trust me! Okay, I’ll admit it: nobody at Apple has come up with a single good idea since Steve Jobs died six years ago.

But that’s not the point, the point is that is that I made $3. In the wake of the tragic and repulsive events in Charlottesville, we are stepping up to help organizations who work to rid our country of hate. Apple will be making contributions of $1 million each to the Southern Poverty Law Center and the Anti- Defamation League. We will also match two- for- one our employees’ donations to these and several other human rights groups, between now and September 3. In the coming days, i. Tunes will offer users an easy way to join us in directly supporting the work of the SPLC. After all, the SPLC only has $3.

I made more than that in one year! Dr. Martin Luther King said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter.”…As we all know, Dr. King was head of the SPLC. Oh … the legal department has informed me that Dr.

King was, technically speaking, head of the SCLC. The New The Hybrid Union Cartoon. But, as my good friend Morris Dees has assured me, only total nerds care about a letter here, a letter there. By the way, Morris shared with me some really creative marketing ideas he’s come up with for unloading those i. Pads that are cluttering up inventory. Did you know that he’s a member of the Direct Marketing Hall of Fame?